Paul Carrick Brunson:Changing 'The Game'

4th In the 'About To Blow' line-up is the ‘Modern Day Matchmaker’ PAUL CARRICK BRUNSON (34) AKA: The real-life HITCH. This well-travelled DC native earned his first degree from

a top business school and swiftly broke into the world of Finance. However he recently(ish) left his senior position in a leading investment banking firm to pursue his true passion…professional matchmaking. (I hear the kissing of teeth, but do try and stay with me) Paul’s been playing cupid to friends & fam for about 10 years so he’s no rookie, however he insisted on being fully qualified before taking on clients - so he became a certified life/relationship coach, read everything he could on the topic, attended every conference he could get to and finally undertook an apprenticeship under one of the top relationship experts in the industry ‘Rachel Greenwald’. Then he co-founded OneDegreeFromMe: a matchmaking/relationship coaching service and it doesn't end there...

Here’s where it gets good. In little over a year the OneDegreeFromMe outfit has been recognised as one of the top matchmaking/coaching services in the whole of North America. Paul Carrick Brunson is now a regular in Essence Online, YourTango.com has taken him on as a top relationship expert and the bloggershpere's gone bananas for him (When Bossip actually writes something nice about you, ya know you’ve made it)

Brunson's infamous Youtube videos have gained him huge following so he took the show on the road and embarked on a multicity Modern Day Matchmaking Live Tour; an entertaining evening of real-talk discussions from experts, celebs & special guest.

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I’ve been following Paul’s work for sometime now and was pretty excited about the interview, I was curled up on the sofa with the phone in one hand and popcorn bowl in the other – as if getting ready to watch the ultimate chick flick...but this was way better (yeah I said 'way') I was preparing to speak to the real-life HITCH! Of course I interrogated him a little but he took it like a G.

So first thing first…yes ladies Paul is happily married and as at the time of our interview his wife was expecting, today he’s the proud father of a baby boy. He’d actually just finished assembling the baby’s pram to which he described as ‘no mean feat’ so he was due for a well deserved break. During our conversation he revealed how being caught up in the HSBC bombings totally changed his life, he also joked about perhaps being the only Turkish speaking black man in America. He’s also very proud of his part-Jamaican heritage (so much so he named his son 'Kingston') in 2004 Brunson founded the L10 Project: a non-profit school repair & rebuild foundation in the U.S. & Caribbean. But as far as becoming a relationship expert goes; he never anticipated such huge success so fast. There’s even talk of him doing his thing in the UK, but until then we wait while reading the following…

So you’ve been matchmaking friends & family for around 10 years. What’s this knack you have for bringing people together and doing it so well?
I used to work in investment banking and although it was very analytical I also had to work off a sixth sense. I had to make big decisions based on just little bits of information. Matchmaking is pretty similar; we only know as much as we're told. While it has a lot to do with matching people based on emotional compatibility, values etc there’s also that natural something that you just have to have and I feel I’ve been blessed with that.

OneDegreeFromMe was only set-up in 2009, did you envisage such a huge response?

I had no idea and that’s why I’m now such an advocate for dreaming big. I hate to say it…and I’ve never told anyone this…
Good good…
(laughs) do you know what my ultimate dream was?
What?
My dream was, in 3 years to become one of the top match-makers in the Washington DC area.

Just DC?
Yeah, and how I defined ‘the top’ wasn’t even number one. I just wanted us to be well know in the DC area i.e. if there was a high-profile break-up in the news then the local media would approach us for commentary & advice.

I wanted us to be the first service the local community thought of in terms of love & relationships…that was our 3 year goal. So to think that technically a year later we’re now considered the top matchmaking & relationship service in the country is something that…I just gotta testify on that one. It’s an incredible feeling.

Phenomenal stuff.

Was it hard to turn your back on such a financially secure occupation to follow your heart into a significantly less stable career path? I’ve spoken to a lot of people about this and they all feel the same way, I call it the ‘Obama Epiphany’ In 2008 when Obama ran for presidency everyone was in disbelief and at that moment people all over the world felt that any limitations over their dreams had been eradicated and they could truly achieve their hearts desires. Many business ideas were created and many people left their careers to pursue other passions and it was no different for me, I knew I could truly do anything and I saw it as an opportunity. I don’t have to feel pigeonholed into a career based on status or income level.

You’re also married and therefore accountable to someone other than yourself, what were your wife’s initial thoughts when you left your job?
What’s funny is throughout my career there have always been two key people who’ve always supported every crazy idea I’ve ever had - and that’s my wife and my mother. Other people were like ‘Paul what are you doing?’

For the first 7-8 months I lived in fear & embarrassment and didn’t come out publicly, we just worked behind the scenes because initially we had limited support.

You say ‘we’ how many people make up the business?
I have a significant number of people helping me. Apart from relationship coaching we also have the OneDegreeFromMe business and now this whole new media career. While my name is out there, there are many people behind the scenes such as our event planner Dawn Easter. We also have a team of researchers, a graphic design team and a video production team and they're all volunteers. So there’re many other people who support the effort but as far as full timers - it’s myself and my wife.

Oh really so your wife is involved too, what did she do before this?
She worked in a law firm and she too left her career, so now it’s the two of us full time.

Wow I rate the both of you, that’s truly stepping out on faith...I never even dreamed half of this when we started so it’s a really strong testimony that your dreams have to be limitless and you really need to step out on faith - those are the 2 big learning's I’ve had over the past year. We’re working on some very exciting projects, some of the most amazing opportunities ever.

So have you had any marriages yet?

We sure have. We also have a really good success rate. We track out rate a little differently from traditional matchmakers & dating coaches.
How so?
We look at 3 things: firstly we look at our marriage rates, secondly we look at the number of committed relationships we have after 6 months and thirdly we look at the anecdotal word of mouth and it’s been very positive overall. YourTango.com recently brought us on as one of their top experts.

So what separates OneDegreeFromMe from the multitude?

One thing I have to say is we’re not simply about matchmaking, we’re about self-improvement. We put a lot of the focus on the individual and that’s where the coaching comes in. The whole cliché of loving yourself before you can fully accept the love of someone else is very true, but if you ask a random person on the street ‘how they go about loving themselves’ you'll find it’s a difficult question to answer. So that’s what we work on first and sometimes it can take a while.

We also do everything traditional matchmakers did 20 years ago and everything dating coaches do today. I’ve studied pick-up artist and the seduction community, we use psychotherapy & counselling and incorporate these different disciplines to create a specialised formula for each client. We then go out and leverage our networks. I don’t think there’s anybody more recognised than us in terms of using social media. I work with my clients through Facebook & Twitter and that’s where the ‘Modern’ comes in. (Every Wednesday Paul runs a 'Modern-Day-Matchmaking-Wednesday' session where he chooses one of his clients and offers him up to one of his 10,000+ Twitter followers...just search #MDMW to catch up on the latest)

Now your personal, professional & academic credentials tick all the boxes, but I can’t help but notice that you & your wife are quite a good-looking marketable package, how much of an influence do you feel it’s had on the success of your business?
I tell our clients all the time is appearance is critical, it’s not simply about what is ‘seen’ but also about what is ‘heard’ and ‘smelt’

I‘m gonna be delicate in saying this...but I think one of the reasons why we were propelled so quickly is because for so long…especially in the black community, the topic of relationships & dating was always covered by an entertainer or a comedian, the commentary was always satirical or funny. But there’s nothing funny about being 35 years old, coming home from a great day at work and having no one to share it with. It’s not funny when you’re 67 years old on your death bed and not having anybody to surround that bed; having never been married or had children. These things are not funny...

and I think because of that people are really taking their perspectives of relationship a little more seriously, they’re looking for both the funny and the substance around the scientific research.
So because of my background in research, investment banking, going to business school, getting certified, doing the apprenticeship and being married for 9 years - I think people can look at that and say – well this guy’s a little bit different to the other voices we’ve been hearing.

Well said. Now speaking of comedians I saw an ABC News Special with Steve Harvey regarding ‘single black female' epidemic and I know you interviewed Helena Andrews (author of 'Bitch is The New Black' and controversial Washington Post article "Successful Black & Lonely) What are your thoughts on the so-called issue?
It’s important for people to understand that marriage rates are decreasing across all westernised cultures, so it’s not just black women or black marriages…as a matter of fact black & brown countries have the most stable marriage rates, so if you really wanna get down to the nitty gritty…black people actually have it a little bit more together when it comes to marriage across the world.

I had no idea of that statistic…

I don’t think we should be fearful of the possible extinction of marriage. When you speak to married people one of the first things they’ll say is ‘marriage is a lot of work’ and the work actually starts once you get married.
When I talk to people who are thinking about marriage I have to reinforce the work aspect, because the work and effort you put in at the dating stage typically yields for you. Our clients who work with us for 6 months typically land in committed relationships because they’ve been putting in a ridiculous amount of work on themselves...those who drop out after 2-3 months are still single.

So you’ve been married for 9 years, did you marry young and how has marriage changed you as a person? Yes my wife and I married young, we’ve known each other for over half of our lives.

Marriage absolutely changes your life and it’s important for me to emphasise that because cohabitation is on the rise, and I think it’s a big reason why people struggle to find the value of marriage.

So in your opinion what are the benefits of marriage?

There’s a substantial value in marriage, maybe less than there was 30-40 years ago, but there’s a level of commitment that is unspoken for when you're married Vs cohabitation. For me the fact that 2 people have stood before God and said ‘to death do us part’….there’s nothing more powerful than that, it’s very meaningful to me; knowing that there’s someone who literally and figuratively has my back.

What’s the biggest effect marriage has had on you? I feel that as a married man I was evolving faster, much faster. I distinctly remember feeling that myself and all my single friends were all on the same level; financially, culturally, intellectually and socially. When I got married they were all joking around saying I’m gonna lose it all, but when I look back at that same crew I can say I’ve evolved a lot faster than them.

I always remember saying that I can’t wait to turn 18 and become a man, I checked my clock and when it hit midnight I didn’t feel any different so I told myself it’s because I’m not 21…everyone knows that when you become a man, but I kept getting older...and nothing. It wasn’t until a couple of years into marriage that I actually felt like I’d evolved.

It’s my baby. A non-profit foundation founded in 2004. Our focus in on school renewal, re-building , repairing and revitalising. We’re doing it domestically but my dream is to do it internationally so we’re planning to go to Jamaica and build a school from the ground up, so if there’s anyone reading this who is interested in being a part of the project or wants to know more about it please contact me here. We need 250 people. We’ll be building throughout the day and partying in the evening.

Nice one! Any particular reason why you chose Jamaica?

My mother's Jamaican, she’s the quintessential hard-working Jamaican; ya'know they have 8 jobs and they’re looking for their 9th. My father was a serious entrepreneur and the first person in his family to go off to university.

He started his first company and sold it, started another company and sold it, he’s a very successful businessman and he’s actually one of the highest ranked black men in the defence industry.

Do you speak any other languages?
I’m an intermediate Turkish speaker…
Really? Hahahahaha sorry, that's actually really impressive there’re many sides to you...
(laughs) you’re peeling an onion here…I always joke that I‘m the only black guy in the united states who can speak Turkish.
Why Turkish?
The last job I had was handling the investments for this wealthy Turkish family, so I would travel to Turkey about 10-12 times per year. I was there during the HSBC bombings…that was my first trip to Turkey?

OMGosh I member those bombings! Were you anywhere near the devastation? Yes I was and it changed my life I was freaked out, scared and I didn’t wanna leave the hotel, but a bunch of guys who I’d travelled over there to visit came round to get me that night. They were like ‘we’re going out tonight wanna come?’ and I said WHAT?...bear in mind this was the same day as the bombings. They were like ‘it’s just a bomb’ They told me to go with them and I'd see that everybody else in Istanbul would be out partying and having fun...you know how in the states we’re on orange alert? Well out there they were on super red-hot alert but everyone was out in the club.

That’s unbelievable...Their philosophy is living for the moment and that changed me and I literally started living differently.

So are you excited about becoming a first time father?
Excited, nervous, ecstatic all wrapped up together.
If you could teach your Son just one thing in life, what would it be?
I would say…and perhaps I say this because I watched Willy Wonka for like the 50th time last night...
Classic film
Classic! Willy Wonka is hands down my favourite movie of all time
(laughs)
I would teach him to dream…and dream big.

You've just gotta love this guy. In an industry that’s steadily becoming oversaturated, this young media mogul has managed to hit a goldmine; through primarily catering to young, African American professionals (a largely overlooked demographic in this field) OneDegreeFromMe has fast become a force to be reckoned with...anyone who's 'about something’ knows to put in a call to Brunson when on the lookout for that significant other.

As mediocre as his earlier ambitions may seem in hindsight, it just goes to show what can be achieved when pursuing a passion simply for the love of it (pun intended) Little did he know that just over a year later he'd go on to become one of the most highly sought-after relationship experts in America, courted by book publishers, TV production companies and the like. As the age old adage goes ‘The Cream Always Rises To The Top'.

Watch Paul's infamous Youtube Videos
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For all you screw-face ladies & gents out there (especially us London lot) Paul Carrick Brunson started a movement called – NO MEAN MUGGIN MONDAYS! LOL Check out the Vid HERE